For when you are misunderstood...

Recently, I’ve had two family members, on two separate occasions, reach out and verbally attack me without provocation. The first time, it was after I shared a tribute on social media to my grandmother who had passed away. The second time, it was after I shared a snippet of my story for the first time about my tumultuous relationship with my dad. Both times, the family member felt it necessary to put me in my place. The hard thing is, both times, the claims they made about me in their rants were completely false, based on misinformation they’d received from someone else; I reeled that they had come to believe things about me that couldn’t be farther from the truth. When I shared their words with a few of my closest friends, each one of them were baffled and said that didn’t even sound like me. These family members had taken things they had heard and based their entire view of me on those falsehoods.

Maybe you’ve been there, too. Have you ever felt completely misunderstood? Have you experienced that gut wrenching pain of rejection from someone that was based on an imagined view of you, when it in no way reflected your true self? Have you ever lost relationship with someone because of a senseless misunderstanding?

If so, it turns out you and I are actually in very good company. The more I study the person and the way of Jesus, I read about the many times he was misunderstood by others, his actions set in the incorrect frame. How did he respond? Did he, like I all too often have, try to reason with the person to see his side? Did he beg and plead and state his case, going to great lengths to preserve that relationship? Did he bite back, hit ‘em where it hurt because of the pain they’d caused him?

It’s surprising, but he did none of the above. Most often, he said nothing. He felt no pressure to defend himself, no guilt in his restraint—even when the misunderstanding cost him his life. In fact, when he sent the twelve disciples out on mission, he said these words: “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet.”

That’s it. No rebuttal. He didn’t say, “Hey guys, if someone doesn't accept your words, then you need to try harder to make them see. It’s your responsibility to build that relationship and endure the strain and hardship to do whatever it takes to convince them. Welcome to ministry.” Sure, he was referring specifically to the spread of the Gospel here, but the principle applies. He said if someone doesn’t accept what you have to say, then just move on.

I have a hard time with that, to be honest. It’s one of the greatest pains to be rejected by someone you love because they chose to believe a lie about you. Because they refuse to see you for who you truly are. It’s grievous to lose a relationship over misunderstanding, when the other person misread your heart. And until recently, I always felt a burden to try and make them see the truth, for truth’s sake if not just for the sake of relationship.

But Jesus shows us a different way. In fact, in the New Testament, Paul writes, “If it’s possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Romans 12:18) Meaning, there will be times when people simply do not accept your efforts. And when they don’t, it isn’t your responsibility to try to fix them. Simply be free to move on.

Easier said than done, but such an important practice in our pursuit of mental and emotional health. I’ll leave you with this little piece of encouragement: One of the most relaxing, healthy things you can do for yourself is to let people be wrong about you. Yep, when people are wrong about you—let them be.