When the student becomes the teacher.

In March, our middle son, Riley, was diagnosed with autism spectrum, sensory processing, and anxiety disorders. If ever there was a silver lining to this persistent pandemic, it’s that we were forced into a controlled environment at home with our kids that revealed some challenges we faced in giving our son the best care possible. We didn’t just need different parenting tools; we needed a completely new toolbox.

Over the last six months, I have had a front-row seat watching our eight-year-old experience tremendous growth with the help of various therapies. He has released unhealthy thought patterns and embraced positive thinking that sustains him in a place of peace instead of pain. He tunes in to his body’s signals and recognizes when he needs to use hand fidgets, headphones, deep breathing, or quiet solitude to combat sensory overload. He has built a more extensive vocabulary to vocalize his feelings instead of allowing them to catapult him into a come-apart.

On his eighth birthday this past summer, our family took turns around the dinner table sharing what we each loved most about Riley. When we finished, Riley said, “Now, I’d like to share what I love about myself. First, I am eager to always do what’s right. I am kind and fair and generous. And I’m really smart. And I love that I love dinosaurs.” I think we could all learn from his beautifully innocent example of self-love.

Our Riley has demonstrated the courage to adapt and grow, to change his mind when his thoughts don’t serve him and others well, to regulate his emotions to a higher magnitude than many adults, to choose kindness in moments of stress instead of hurling insults at a high volume. He’s faced his fears and pushed himself beyond his comfort zone to enjoy new experiences with our family. I’ve learned so much from his lead, and while I thought our new parenting toolbox would allow us to train him, I’m discovering, to my pleasant surprise, that he’s actually changing us.