The ministry of the mess.

The morning that I was supposed to meet up with a friend, she texted me in a complete tizzy. We had originally planned for the kids and me to meet her and her son at their house, but it was raining and her house was a mess from packing for a trip and she was spiraling and thinking of rescheduling. I could hear the harried tone in her words. Her comment: “I’m sorry I’m so unprepared. This is what friendship with me looks like. It’s not great.”

Smiling in a room by myself, I responded, “I understand if you need to reschedule. But it sounds like you need to just come over here, and we’ll eat banana bread and shoo the kids away to play with LEGOs. And I love being friends with you.”

I added: “Also, I’m wearing sweats, no makeup, and sixth-day hair. Come as you are.”

Her response: “Perfect.”

I work as full-time staff at a church here in Portland, and lately, more and more of my most Spirit-filled ministry moments resemble something like this conversation. There’s no platform or faux lashes or mom jeans with oversized blazers. (Why is this the new female powerhouse pastor look now, anyway?? Listen, youngsters, I lived through mom jeans the first time around, and it wasn’t pretty. My skinny jeans don’t make me outdated; they make me wiser and are proof I learned to wear what’s good for me. But I digress…) There is, however, banana bread and Holy Bible truth and rowdy kids and life-giving conversation. A land flowing with hot coffee and raw honesty.

I didn’t go to a fancy seminary to obtain a fancy theology degree; life has been my training for full-time ministry, and I’ve had quite a bit of it. On-the-job, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of training. The kind of wisdom, comfort, and advice that can only be gained by walking through it first and crawling out the other side a little stronger only by the grace of God…and I’ve walked through A LOT of stuff.

One thing I’ve learned is that oftentimes (every time), people don’t need or even relate well to a pastor who seems to have it all together all the time. We are told to hide our flaws and scars, that we can’t lead people where we ourselves haven’t gone as if to say, if we don’t exude complete and total victory and success in every area of life, how can we expect others within our care to? This kind of thinking typically leaves a leader who is put on display, but in a locked China cabinet instead of on the coffee table within the grasp of common hands.

In my experience, the best kind of leadership is that which says, “Let’s walk this out together,” rather than staying so far out in front that we leave others no choice but to break out in breathless full sprint trying to catch up.

Think a lot less Instagram influencer with not a lash out of place naming herself a “hot mess” and more like raw vulnerability of the six-day-hair kind. (I’m not exactly talking hygiene here. Although I’m not exactly not.) The kind of leadership that acknowledges and really even embraces the mess we call real life, rather than tidying up our appearance to play the pastoral professional. You could call it the ministry of the mess.

It’s why I love that the original disciples were referred to as “unschooled, ordinary men,” and it was for that reason that the crowds concluded those men had been with Jesus. Peter, with his impulsiveness and mood swings and John with his “disciple that Jesus loved”-ness (who invited that guy?). My qualifications are the kind that DEMAND the Holy Spirit show up, because without him, the mess just gets worse. Like, let’s throw these ingredients into a blender and hit START with the lid off kind of bad. And since the Holy Spirit loves these people even more than I could, He does show up and meet us both in the imperfect, and my kitchen is cleaner for it.

I want to be the kind of leader and friend Jesus was (and still is): The come just as you are friend. The one who validates because I’ve been there and know that road well; and when I haven’t walked in those shoes, I want to be the one who says, “You know, I don’t have all the answers, but I know who does, and He can help.” The one who doesn’t portray a picture-perfect Christianity that requires VIP access, but one who’s accessible, who offers breathing room and been-through-it-myself guidance…And possibly banana bread.

Master your mornings.

Three babies (four pregnancies) in four years had me savoring my post-kids’-bedtime time with Netflix and chill and then rolling out of bed when the kids woke me up bright and early the next morning. That was my morning routine for the first five years of motherhood. Until I got a little fed up with running on empty all the time—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

So when my youngest began sleeping through the night, I forced myself to start getting up early to have a prayer time and morning workout before the kids woke up. This was both the hardest and most rewarding habit I could have developed for myself.

It’s changed over the years since, but I’ve learned the all-too-important lesson that if you want to have a good day, it starts by mastering your mornings. Starting the day in a way that fills me up not only improves my mood for the rest of the day, but it also leads to other good decisions and makes me more effective overall.

This isn’t a one-size-fits-all habit, but I thought I would share what my mornings look like in this current season to help get the ideas flowing of what might work for you if you’re looking to be more intentional with your mornings. I work from home and homeschool our three children, so although we don’t have to be out the door at any specific time, I still wake up between 4 and 5 a.m. to have plenty of time to myself before the kids wake up around 7:30. It’s been such a special time of day for me that I aim to do it every morning; however, I may sleep in every now and then, especially if I didn’t sleep well the night before (sleep is hard sometimes). I can tell my day feels different if I miss my morning routine, so it’s become a priority for me to “get my head on straight” every morning. Here’s how I do it:

1. Wake up around 4 a.m.

2. Drink full bottle of water.

3. Make a French press of coffee to share with the Mr.

4. Spend time in worship, prayer, and Scripture reading—honestly, the bulk of my time is spent here. I often light a candle, sing, pray, spend time in silence, and slow-read my Bible.

5. Write morning pages—this is a mashup of journaling, stream of consciousness, and creative writing prompts; basically, I get whatever is swirling around in my head out on paper so I can be more focused and clear-minded throughout the day.

6. Go for a neighborhood run/walk and/or lift weights indoors; sometimes I do yoga instead.

7. Often I’ll spend a few minutes completing a Spanish lesson.

8. Get dressed and make up bed.

By the time my kids are awake, I feel refreshed, focused, and clear-headed, and it’s such a gift to start the day off in peace.

If you’d like to start a more productive morning routine but aren’t sure how, may I suggest setting the alarm for 30 minutes earlier than usual and start the day off with a big glass of water and some stretching? That is what I come back to, if ever I get off track. After that becomes a habit, try waking up an additional 15 minutes earlier and adding in something else. You don’t have to do a complete overhaul all at once, but even taking one positive step toward mastering your morning and starting the day off in the right frame of mind will go a long way toward improving your mental, physical, and emotional (and spiritual) health!

The importance of white space.

When I was working as an art director for an advertising agency, we talked a lot about white space (or negative space, as some refer to it). So much so that the copywriters used to make fun of us because of how obsessed we all were with protecting our white space; often times we’d ask them to cut down the copy so that the ads didn’t feel crammed and there was plenty of space for the ad to breathe. Oftentimes, the simpler ads, the ones with less “stuff” in them, were the most eye-catching and effective.

It’s normal for an amateur designer to want to fill up an ad with lots of design elements as a way to prove how creative they can be. Photo collages, or worse—a photo ghosted into the background—drop shadows, flourishes in the corners…One graphic designer that I supervised always wanted to add ALL the Photoshop features: feathered photos, multi-colored gradients, multiple graphics. His ads looked like an acid trip on paper. I’d spend a lot of time crossing out all the extra elements to be eliminated so the most important ones could “be the hero,” as the head of our department would say. The most important info got surrounded by white space so it would stand out. All the extras were just a distraction from the point of the ad, and they had to go.

It took me years to understand that this lesson was applicable in life as well. We innocently (and ignorantly) assume that the more we have—the more we fill our schedules, our fridges, our closets, our garages with—the more successful and put together we seem.

We cram our schedules with more things than could possibly get done because saying, “I’m just sooo busy,” makes us sound important.

We collect clothing items and accessories to crowd our closets because we feel that more is more—more options, sleeker designs, designer labels will…well, I'm not sure what.

We don’t want our homes to feel empty, so we add photos and art to every piece of real estate on our walls, fill up blank spots with side tables and shelves that need to be “styled,” requiring more things to create more vignettes. And all these things will somehow communicate that we have impeccable style. We say that adding layers adds interest. (Because what, we aren’t interesting enough??)

And so we find that we have no white space. There’s no more room. Our lives can’t breathe. And we may feel like we can’t, either.

Negative space is as important in life as it is in design, because it equals more margin, more breathing room. Negative space lends time to rest, time to think and process all the emotions and thoughts that get stuffed down further into our psyche, with to-dos and get-togethers heaped on top.

There’s a reason God commands that we take a Sabbath, one day out of our week to do nothing, a day filled with negative space. Why? Because that blank slate is restorative. It returns breath to our lungs and humanity to our existence. Negative space is anything but negative.

Each of us has more white space than we think. Every time we swerve into the faster lane of traffic or check our phone at the red light or answer emails in the waiting room or Netflix and chill before bed, we’re snuffing out negative space, that precious time to just be. And with every moment that gets filled with distraction, the things that are most important lose their elbow room. We fill up on chips and leave no room for the filet.

I’ve heard so many people say that COVID gave them the time to pause and re-evaluate their lives. A lot of people realized some things they needed to leave in 2020; others started new careers or traded large homes for more family time in smaller ones. Still other families made changes to live more simply, exchanging endless activities for more down time together.

What would it feel like, the next time you have an hour of free time, if you just savored it rather than giving it away to the next demand waiting in line? Look around and take in your surroundings slowly, or take some time to ponder three things you’re thankful for in that moment? What if, instead of saying yes to another activity your child asks you to sign them up for, if you opted for slow family dinners a couple of nights a week instead? What if you embraced an extra hour of sleep instead of another episode of Downton Abbey with a side of Talenti?

Oftentimes, we can become so busy that we lose sight of our values. Maintaining some margin allows us to name what’s most important to us in life. The reality is, if everything is important, then nothing is important. If everything is precious, then by default, nothing is precious. That which is sacred to us should be set apart, bordered by white space.

One thing that has helped me is to keep an actual, physical planner with me. (Kudos to you who can plan effectively with your digital iCals; those make my head spin!) And I schedule out my day in order of priority: first, prayer time and self-care (I have to put on my oxygen mask before I can save others); then, family time; then work tasks, meal planning, chores, etc. I make sure that I have plenty of transition time in between so I’m not rushing from one meeting to the next meal prep. I schedule in margin as another item on my to-do list, so that it doesn’t get crowded out. Sometimes I plan ahead what I will do in my free time so that I choose something restorative, but other times I just let those times unfold naturally.

The concept of white space creates more breathing room in our lives and forces us to name what is most important and let that be the hero. Everything else must take a supporting role or get cut from the script altogether.

What about you? How about keeping a minutes log of your week to track where your time goes. Then, assess and decide one small change you could make right away. Maybe you track your phone usage and find you spend 6+ hours a day with screen time. That’s 42 hours a week! Was that time restorative or wasteful? What could you choose to do instead?

What is the hero of your life? Take a few minutes to sit with that question as a writing prompt. Jot down three things that bring you the most joy and fulfillment. If money were no object, how would you spend your time? Who are the people in your life that build you up? What activity restores your soul? Use the answers to those questions as a jumping off point to decide what other things could be eliminated to create some more white space around what’s most important.

Cheers!

Court

Welcome to my place.

It kind of thrills me to be uncomfortable. I actually begin to feel uneasy when things appear to be coming easily. Maybe the discomfort is what keeps me hungry for more of the things of God in my life, and when I feel like I’m coasting, I am less aware of my need for more of Jesus, and I stop pursuing Him daily.

I think that’s what it’s like with a lot of relationships, right? When we begin a relationship, we put in a lot of energy and effort into pursuing the other person so that we cultivate a strong foundation. But then after the vows are exchanged, and we feel secure in that relationship, we start to ease up a bit. Over time, that easing up can look a lot like complacency, and complacency is a breeding ground for stagnation, which can lead to certain death—death of momentum, of dreams, of intimacy…

You get what I’m saying. Anyhoo, this seeking to move beyond my comfort zone is what catapulted our family into a life of simplicity, essentialism, and intentionality. It’s forced us to come into realignment with our values and return to majoring in the majors and minoring in the minors. We embraced the discomfort we felt when our schedules and home were stuffed full and decided to take action and simplify our lifestyle. As a result, it’s brought a level of peace and a depth of maturity that we just couldn’t have attained any other way. 

I’ve met a lot of you out there who’ve become uncomfortable with your comfort. You’ve done nicely keeping up with the Joneses, but the accomplishments and abundance haven’t satified you like you thought it would. Those of you who are dizzy from running the hamster wheel in a steady pace but just can’t figure out a dismount strategy. Those of you who have it all, along with a splitting headache and an emptiness in your gut. This website is for you. Every word I write here is with you in mind.

Our simple lifestyle is probably what I get asked THE MOST questions about. Most people are intrigued, some are resistant, but a lot of people long for at least a piece of the peace that we’ve experienced, and so I aim to share our journey—the catalysts, the struggles, the blessing of margin, and everything in between—in hopes of inspiring you and introducing you to the possibility of a new way of life, one in which you can have peace in heart and home, time for rest and renewal, memories with the ones you love, and just the overall sense of purpose that comes from a life lived with and on purpose.

I don’t get it all right, all the time. I’m still learning and have in no way arrived at a life of minimalism or über discipline. But every day is a day in which I intentionally take a step in the right direction, and I’d love for you to walk alongside me!